Feeling a little verklempt

In five short days I will embark on my trip, a once-in-a-life time experience for me to be sure. Am I excited? Of course, I mean who wouldn't, right? I cannot even imagine just what I will encounter during my stay and the things that will remain as memories when I leave. I am thrilled to be going...so fortunate. I would never have had the chance had I not been with this wonderful chorus at the right time, and had I not a terrific father willing to pay for my trip! (Thanks Daddy!!) So yeah, I am sure I will have an amazing time.

But part of me is just uneasy about leaving. It's not even the flight and international things anymore, but all that I am leaving behind. I have spent all summer with Devin's swim team, and to leave right before the end, it seems unfinished. I know the incredible women I have been working with will say otherwise, but then, they know what we have gone through for this team, and would rather be going if they could too. Still, to not be helping before the big City Meet...well, at least I will get back in time to watch Devin race in that! I will be seriously jet lagged, but I will watch my big guy swim his last races of the summer! GO HAMMERHEADS!!

Then I worry how I am going to do on the trip alone. I say alone, I won't really be alone. I mean, I am traveling with 30 lovely people, and I know when our collaborative group of close to 200 sing and mesh in song, it will be spine tingling. (I always get a bit verklempt while performing. Same as I do when I watch the Olympics and the National Anthem is playing while one of our athletes shines with pride at the medal around their neck...I just want to sob! It's a happy sob feeling, but one which can render me unable to speak, and in this instance, sing, when I feel overwhelmed. Let me just not weep copiously on stage and I will be happy.)

Anyway, I digress. What I mean though, is Nate will not be traveling with me, or my kids. As a homeschooling mom, with my boys 24/7, I know it will take me a while not to automatically panic if I look around and can't see them near me. And everywhere we go, we turn it into a learning opportunity, and I know I will want to say things like "Hey Devin, come and look at this!", or "Parker, let's see what's over here!". I will want to do the same as if Nate were with me too. A trip doesn't seem as fulfilling I guess when there isn't someone close to share the moments that make it special. No night-time strolls with Nate across the Charles Bridge...well, not THIS time honey, but one day we will go to Europe together!! We had a deal, remember!? "-)

While I am abroad, Nate will be a home, and the boys will be with their grandparents at the beach, and I will be across the Atlantic having "Renee time", doing the stuff I did before I met my husband of almost 15 years, before I had my beautiful boys and became their mother and teacher. It has been so long since I've been that "Renee" - it seems almost selfish for some reason. But then Nate will get "Nate time" and the boys will get to be boys without mom and we will all have our own special weeks, that when done, we can share to each other when we are home again. I know it seems silly to see the end of the trip, look forward to it, when I haven't even left. But it is so very hard to think of what I am leaving behind as I go....my loved ones. I guess that's what I have this blog...to keep you all with me, for that is the Renee that I love being the most! *sigh*. There I go getting all verklempt again...talk amongst yourselves! :-)